My Derek Acorah (a medium...) books arrived this morning.
( In here, because I rambled... )

My images and banner have gone down. This is due to the fact that my hosting provider hates me and has taken down my account for no reason I am aware of. When I get home and have a reliable skype connection I shall speak to them. I'm just not intending on speaking to them from my mobile and costing myself £300 per minute.

Talking of going home, we're off tomorrow. Yey! Will be good to be back for a bit, as it always is. The train journey is going to take us 19 hours, which, yes, is rediculous and means us spending 7 hours waiting around in Birmingham station.

Note to stalkers: Between the hours of 00:00am and 07:00am Thursday morning, I shall be at Birmingham station. I don't know which, or even if there is more than one, but if you are a dedicated stalker, you shall surely find out. Much luck to you.

So yes, journey, silly amount of time, but at least I have things to do. We're (Kizzi and I) very much hoping we'll be able to get good enough seats on the actual train to get out the laptops and either play Warcraft via a network cable, or do something else to provide ourselves with entertainment. I also have an essay to write, which I could do on the journey. Strangely, I don't think that will happen. I shall probably be doing my essay on the day I come back up to uni- eugh.

Anyway, off again, was just waiting for Kizzi to come out of the shower and passing some time. She has just dyed her hair purple- hopefully, it might not go over the red that's currently in it. ...

Dear all,

As ever, sorry for not posting. I feel I hardly have any available time to do so, and when I do I'm always too hand-hurty to write much. But anyway, I know there are lurkers around who want to keep up with my continuing existance so I will endeavour to post now and again. Or, yes Ken and Catherine, to actually email/im you....

I shall try harder...
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Dear hosting provider,

Why have you suspended my account? My account is mainly for file storage and has certainly not violated terms and conditions or gone over it's bandwidth. Honestly.
Please make your help site available to me even though I have a suspended account. What am I meant to do if I can't get into my account and can't speak to you about it?

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Dear you,

I miss you, but I think it's getting better. I don't love you less, I just miss you less; need you less I suppose. I want to come and see you when I go home, but I didn't say I would, and I don't know whether you want me too.
I have so much to tell you, that I know you want to hear and so much to ask you about - help me make my decisions for me? So I may come and see you, with someone else of course, and say they want to see you too. Even though I know I'll steal you and they'll be bored. Or, I hope I will...
Never mind, anything I write is irrelevant, I know I can say it to you myself if I wasn't worried about- I don't know what I'm worried about. Who knows. I'll tell you.

Love you, groove on.

________________________________

Dear you,

How are you? I don't know anymore. Contact me? I promise I'll actually give you the time of day, I know I don't sometimes, but do and I'll make you more important than other things going on around me.

________________________________

Dear you lot,

I miss you too, and I won't see any of you when I come home, and that's sad. I hope you're all okay. I used to be so annoyed with you, and now I just miss you. I think that's the nature of it. I think that's what makes it difficult, because, I didn't really realise before. So I love you, bless you, be beautiful and brilliant. I know you still talk to me whenever anything goes wrong, I spoke to the least likely person to ask for help the other day, so I know you know I'm still here- I said I would be.
I suppose, although I wish I could talk to you, I know I probably won't unless something has gone wrong, and I don't wish that.

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Dear you,

Be brave. I love you too. I know, I know, I seem to love everyone this morning, but I do. There's no point writing this. You, I can tell.

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Dear you,

Why do you want to convince me not to love you? The effect, if continued will be exactly as you seem to wish.

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And you,

Smile and keep the happy up.

So much love.

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Dear self, post this, it will not restore from draft already.

No, I didn't die.

In actual fact I've been alive and well just more of the alive than the well.

I've been back at uni for just over two weeks now and of all the limited free time I've had my hands have been too odd or too painful to actually write a full journal entry. But, I've decided I should probably make them. Or at least, make them write something. I do enjoy having a journal up online. So, I hope I be back alive and updating. I don't know how often I'll be commenting on friends things, or how much I'll be writing but I should manage something.

Anyway, back at uni for two weeks and a bit and, yes, you guessed it, I'm bored. Well, no, I'm not bored as such. I'm filling the time, I'm busy doing things with Sarah and Kizzi. Kiz and I have bought Warcraft and spent many hours (much to Sarah's constant 'get off the computer and do something useful for once' irritation!) playing two-player lan battles, I've been attending most of my lectures and have even done a tiny bit of work for some of them. But, other than that I've been doing nothing. And it's the other than that that annoys me. Yes we have very little free time, but most of the time that we're 'busy' is spent doing things that amount to nothing. I speak to all my friends back at home, in the theatre and they have so much to do, so much of the annual stuff, the charity concert is coming up, a Shakespeare festival for the younger classes- all of which had I been home I would be incredibly busy with. So busy I would probably not have had any time to see anyone outside of the theatre.

I guess I'm not used to the being out of the theatre, I'm not used to hanging around with people and having nothing to do- I'm really not. I love my 'theatre friends' but we'd only get to socialising when we were working, when we all stopped and decided we were too tired to move anymore, or after we'd done something and we were all too tired to go home- those times. It's like we'd be social, but productively. At the minute I'm social for the sake of social, and I don't understand that... I don't know how that works. I don't know how, at school, people would sit around in their common rooms doing nothing but chatting to friends, or how they'd be busy with just school work to do. I was juggling school work and a part time job (which actually probably had the work load of a full time job). Making something, doing something, helping someone. Now I do nothing with my time but entertain myself... It just feels odd. Is this what everyone else has been doing already and I just haven't noticed, or is it different, I don't know...

I spoke to Diarmuid today, which is what brings it up. Apparantly everyones stressed, there's a horrible atmosphere. It's irritating. I feel irritated that I can't be there. I know, I know I actually can't. That was school and I can't be there any more because I'm too old for school, obviously. But, the thing is, it's not school. It's different to school and it was practically a full time job interrupted by two hours of class every day. I feel like, well, I'm still needed there, I still want to be there, why can't I be? I don't know. I want to go home, but then, there's no place for me at home in the way there was before- so I don't know what I want to do.

Well, I'd quite like to stay in bed all day with cups of tea and pink wafer biscuits and my Alan Rickman films, but I think that's impractical...

Anyway, I didn't really mean to rant about that, and now, due to the large amount of typing I can't feel my hands, so I had better stop. We're getting up early to have breakfast in the union tomorrow, so that'll be a good thing.

Hope everyone's okay- I'll try and catch up with my friends list soon!